Did I Really

The crimson dripping from my hands is still warm. The taste of copper in my mouth. I was just protecting myself. He was going to  hurt me. I could smell his aggression, I could smell his hatred for me. Like was the abomination. I am what and who I am. I don’t set out to hurt anyone or anything. For the most part, I keep to myself and mind my own business. But if I see someone or something in trouble, I have to help. I can’t keep from helping. I feel pain if I allow pain to be inflicted upon another creature.

It’s not like I go out looking for the bad in others and destroy them for it. Okay… But I only did that a couple of times. It was after I came upon their aftermath. It sickened me. I had to do something about what those animals did. I avenged those that couldn’t do it themselves. Have I become the animal that our parents warned us about as children?

Well maybe if I hadn’t been attacked at such a young age, I would have been able to control these urges to lash out on behalf of my inner child. Many things  stick to us as we grow. Some bad things we are able to shake. But not all of our circumstances scratch us up and leave us with damages. But then again some damage gives us character and helps us to grow. Yes, parts of my young past I can’t seem to shake free of.

If the person that had caused me pain, had been punished in some way. Maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to take some matters into my own hands.  There are times when I wish I could actually take that person and torture him. Maybe make him feel like I did and sometimes still do. It is where I am wrapped in darkness.

There is more light than dark in my life. And like I said, I use the darkness to my advantage. When I need something dark in a story. Or to remind myself of how much my life has changed through the years. I have light. More light than dark and I will not give it away. But I will share it.

 

 

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